The many identities of an actor

From the book The mind Shaman

Born and raised in Orange County, his parents were very proper middle-class people, rich enough to own a nice house with a pool and nice cars. They supported him in their own way throughout his life and they still are. It would have been a perfectly normal life if Danny didn’t have an older brother that made his childhood miserable, making him feel ugly, dirty, sloppy, and incapable. From his earliest memories, his brother constantly bashed him with the meanest comments and bossed him around, using him like his personal slave.

His father was a busy CEO of a company that manufactured nautical ropes and was away from home every day from early morning to late in the evening. His dad was also a passionate golfer, so he spent every Saturday on the local golf course. Only Sunday was dedicated to the family. Of course, Sunday was the day that Danny’s brother played the perfect brother, and most of his best memories were from those Sundays. His mother was obsessed with her image as the perfect housewife, her house was always spotless, and her cooking, mainly her pies, were famous in the neighborhood. She couldn’t envisage that something in her house wasn’t perfect, so she created an alternate reality, dismissing all of Danny’s cries for help and assuming that what was happening between the two brothers was in some ways normal and good.
Each time that Danny tried to talk to his dad, his mother diffused the conversation, making her husband believe that it was just talk that kids use to get attention. Danny’s dad loved and admired his wife’s perfection that kept his household trouble free, so he had no doubt that all was cool. There was no way out for poor Danny. During the first six years, he tried to do all that he could to please his brother in order to keep him happy, enduring relentless cruel abuses and humiliation that convinced him that he was a useless second-class human being, clumsy, dirty, ugly, and stupid.

The situation got worse when Danny’s brother decided to obtain sexual favors from Danny and obliged him to fulfill his desires. Danny couldn’t take it anymore and tried to hang himself with one of his dad’s ropes. Fortunately, the ceiling beam of his garage was rotten, and the structure collapsed.

When they found Danny under the rubble with a rope tied around his neck, they got very worried, but they still didn’t listen to him. He was too embarrassed to spell out the situation, and they assumed that he was depressed. Probably ashamed for this embarrassing situation that was troubling the image of their perfect household, they decided to send Danny to summer camp up North to have some fun instead of seeking professional help. Unfortunately, he was escorted by his evil brother who was aware of his power over the younger brother.

Instead of punishing Danny for his action, he ignored him throughout the summer, which should have been a relief but instead felt like a harsh rejection. This made him feel lost and confused. From birth, Danny was so used to being dominated by his brother that he couldn’t bare the loss of his wicked leadership and begged him to take him back as his slave. From then on, Danny’s life became a chosen hell, instead of an imposed nightmare, and his self-esteem ended for good.
Danny’s brother was about three years older than him, so a couple of years later, he decided that having older kids as friends and pursuing girls was much more interesting, and he dumped Danny.

For the second time, Danny considered suicide, but something important happened before he could execute his plan. His father’s company got bought out by a supplier, and his dad was made redundant. He found a new and more prestigious job after six months, but that period marked a total change in the family mechanics. His mother couldn’t bare the shame of a husband out of work and blamed and resented Danny’s dad for it. She got depressed and went to her mother’s house in Ohio for more than half a year.

Danny finally had the chance to talk to his father, free to voice all that had happened throughout his childhood. His dad was a good man, and despite the fact that he was personally having some trouble, he did the right thing. He disciplined his older son and took Danny under his protection and leadership, but it was too late; the damage was already done. A couple of months after Danny’s dad got his new job, his mother returned, and they both pretended that nothing happened, restoring the perfect life from before and they are still together.

But Danny’s life was far from perfect. His anxiety, fears, and total lack of self-confidence and esteem made him separated from the world, shy, and powerless. He barely passed each year of school until he discovered acting. By a series of circumstances, he found himself as one of the main actors in a school theatrical event even though he had no previous experience. He read the script, got in the identity of the character, and performed beautifully. He discovered that he could become powerful and confident if he were impersonating a powerful and confident character. It was new to him, and even though the feeling only lasted for the time of the show, it was exhilarating.

Theater became his life, and he made his life a theater. He began creating and impersonating characters off stage. School became easy as well as his relationships with others. He used several different personalities according to the need, acting in every aspect of his life. When he was eighteen, he got involved with an older woman in his first serious relationship. He acted in love, as would an actor of one of his beloved comedies, and kept this relationship going for over three years. But he confessed that he never felt anything real for that woman. He felt only staged love for the woman that he married a couple of years later. He needed to act to keep his fears and anxiety under control, and he got very successful in several Broadway shows until his wife cheated on him and left him for the lead actor of the show that he was performing at that time.

For the first time in his adult life, he became human and suffered enormously from her rejection. He crumbled, and he could not act anymore. He was thirty-two years old, and he was stuck. He started drinking, lost all his money, returned to his parents’ home in the most horrendous depression and total numbness. He got sober at a rehab in Costa Mesa not far from his parents’ house, buried his depression with pills, and took a small job in a local show, but he couldn’t regain his spark. His father came across a Facebook page dedicated to the Bosurgi Syndrome and got him on the mailing list. Despite the fact that he doesn’t believe that the program will work, he agreed to give it a go.

……….

“Let’s go now through your questions. Julie, I would not identify Danny as a masochist in
his childhood. His brother exploited one of the main characteristics of codependency,
hijacking Danny’s father’s role to enforce wicked control over his little brother.
Codependency is a wonderful temporary instinct that allows parents to lead and educate their
children through the first part of life. Without it, we wouldn’t accept adults’ leadership, and
we would not allow them to raise us. This feature of codependency generates in a child the
need to seek and accept leadership, thereby becoming emotionally connected and dependent
on their leaders. Unfortunately, this can be terribly misused by parents or, like in this case,
abused by stronger and older siblings or peers.

“Was Danny’s brother in codependency as well? Every kid until the age of puberty is in
codependency, and not only the kids but also every mammal. Many other animal species are
equipped with codependency in the initial period of formation. If not, most of the animal
world would be already extinguished. Danny’s brother missed his parents’ leadership and
guidance and was able to redirect his power to a force that took unconscious revenge by
exercising abusive control over poor Danny.

“Why did Danny become a good theatrical actor? His unfulfilled codependency didn’t clear
at puberty; he still has it. One of the characteristics of codependency is the lack of identity—
that is why most people in codependency are strong and confident only where they are
successful. People suffering the Bosurgi Syndrome will require safe zones, such as success,
money, or beauty, to identify with and use them as their substitute identity. Danny used a
different system to acquire an identity or, better yet, several identities. He borrowed his
identity from the characters that he played. His professional and personal life was a constant
act—he played the role of an actor on the stage or an actor in a love comedy. When his wife,
probably bored by Danny’s lack of depth, dumped him, he felt pain, probably for the first
time in years. It was hurtful, and for once, it was real. So real that it broke his ability to
mutate into one of his borrowed identities, and he regressed into the lost kid that he has
always been.

“Jason will help him exit his mind and position himself in his spirit, embracing his real self.
Then he will be able to lead his mind, clearing codependency, and enjoy his real identity, the
identity of a spirit that lived many lives, learned a lot, and did a lot. He will finally enjoy an
identity way more powerful than all the fake ones that he mirrored or created up to now.
Will he ever be able to act successfully within his own identity? Oh yes, and so much better
than before! I had several cases of clients that became actors for the same reasons, and after
this work, they all improved enormously in their acting skills. Many of them that were not
established finally had a breakthrough and today are reputable artists.

“Probably the most interesting case was an A-list actor that is very respected and known for
his strength and confidence. He always played the role of the unbreakable man. I was hired
by his team of lawyers that required my signature on all sorts of confidentiality agreements
before I was able to talk to him. When we were finally allowed to meet, I saw a man that
was very kind but also terribly hesitant, weak, shy, and in a panic—totally different from the
hero that I enjoyed so many times on the big screen. At first, I thought that it was drug or
alcohol issues, but the guy was totally clean and very connected with nature and good things.
His problem was the Bosurgi Syndrome, which kept him relentlessly in anxiety and fears all
his life, like a scared ten-year-old kid trapped in an adult body and mind. He became an actor
in order to use, like Danny, the identity of his movies’ characters to be confident and
powerful. He was good, so he got to the top of the list, but his struggle was unbearable.

“He confessed that the only times that he felt strong, brave, and buoyant were just before,
during, and a few months after shooting one of his action movies. This was also the only
time that he was able to do public appearances and media interviews. In between movies, he
would disappear into his houses, protected by security and staff, overwhelmed and totally
stuck by anxiety and fears. This, of course, was affecting his career, but mainly his personal
life. He couldn’t take the risk of letting people know that he was a fraud, so he would break
off all his dates (that were mostly started on set) almost immediately after the end of the
shoot. A total nightmare for the poor guy! He was smart and desperate, which are the best
assets in our work, and I got him out from his miseries in just a few weeks.

“This was about four years ago, and today he is the same man in his movies—strong,
powerful, and happily married with a great girl. Overnight, his acting became so much
stronger that his career gained further when he allowed himself to play different roles, and
he did it beautifully. In one of his houses, he still has a special room with the same chair and
gong that I use in my practice. He also continues to send me his directors and producers. He
is a great guy and a very charitable man. I think that for today, we can wrap up. Tomorrow
will be another long day, with Julie and Carla in action.”