Morgan – a story of a super model suffering Adults Emotional Dependency (AED)

From the Mind Shaman – Morgan is only twenty-nine years old.  Born in San Diego, California, from hippie parents living in a commune, drugs, nudity, and free sex were around her throughout her childhood. She saw her parents having sex in between them and with many others from as far back as she can remember. She tried marijuana before talking, and she was initiated to sex herself when she was nine. Her life was fun though; she learned surfing when she was a toddler, and she lived always out and about with sheep and chickens surrounded by a lot of dancing and music. She grew up like a wild creature, everything was allowed, as long as it would not hurt others or nature. But certainly, she didn’t receive any structure, direction, or leadership.

She attended school, but it was her worst nightmare. Kids were mocking her for her dreadlocks; teachers were always on her because she couldn’t focus and she couldn’t stop jumping up and down. Of course, they diagnosed her with ADHD, and they tried to give her drugs to keep her quiet, but because her only syndrome was lack of structure and the habit of roaming free, the drug had the opposite effect and made her aggressive and terribly anxious.

She became a problem, and the teachers didn’t know how to handle her. To get her off their back, they got the school psychologist to declare her mentally retarded, and they enrolled her in a class for “special” kids. Despite the fact that she was brilliant, she believed the diagnosis and shut down, feeling incapable to use her mind for anything that would require intelligence. Her parents were more interested in seeing her connect with nature and surf than with books, so they didn’t care
about her refusal to learn or even write. She learned how to write when she was over ten years old.

But she loved to read books and children’s novels, and she identified with the characters—getting lost in dreams of princesses and gnomes. It was her way to escape the constant anxiety that was torturing her. When she got a little older, the fates and gnomes were replaced by marijuana, and she ended up smoking constantly to manage her growing fears and anxiety. She was tall and slim and rather beautiful in her wildness. An advertising guy spotted her, and at the age of twelve and a few months later, her face was featured in most of the fashion magazines.

She left the community at fourteen, at the top of the wave in her modeling career but totally underwater in her ever more crippling depression. Because of drugs and of her constant anorexia, her first menstrual period came around seventeen, and it was erratic until a couple of years ago. She made good money, but she didn’t know how to hold on to it, so she was always broke. She slept with tons of guys just to feel safe for a couple of hours. Her memories of those teen years are filled with fear, money, anxiety, sex, and drugs—lots and lots and lots of drugs. After years of constantly starving and cutting herself and several suicide attempts, at the age of nineteen, a friend of her mother, who was worried for Morgan’s life, brought her to a three-day meditation retreat held by the adepts of the Self-Realization Fellowship, a spiritual order founded by the holy Paramahansa Yogananda. I know them well because I did two yoga workshops with them at Lake Shrine, one of
their ashrams on Sunset Boulevard not far from my home. They are great and very gentle and respectful in their approach to self-realization.

With the Fellowship, she found a structure and a leadership that she desperately needed, and it changed her life. She totally embraced it head-on, abandoning drugs, blades, and modeling to devote herself to the order and embrace Yogananda’s monastic life. The journey before initiation was tough though. She was confronted with daily routines of group and individual meditation, spiritual study and instruction, and humble services. She used all her resources trying to make it happen, but it was a life too tough for a young woman that never developed discipline or learned how to follow orders. The other problem was the academic study. Tons of drugs combined with overwhelming fears and total lack of self-esteem cut off her brain; she couldn’t retain or comprehend enough to make any progress with her studies. The order is incredibly conscious about the individual’s spiritual growth and would never push disciples to time-related goals, but she couldn’t bear it. Every day, she felt more useless and retarded, and despite the meditation and chanting, her anxiety, although a bit less severe, was always very present.

After six months, she went back to her old world. She came out of the ashram glowing from the months of sobriety and structured life, and her agency saw her more beautiful than ever. They sent her out every day, sometimes many times a day, and she got back on the wave, making a lot of 
money again. But something was changed. Scared to fall back in the hole, she kept away from drugs, didn’t go out at night, and kept going to the ashram to keep a link with structure. She also donated a ton of money to the order to feel useful to something or someone. At her twenty-first birthday celebrated in the ashram, she met Robert, a famous movie producer thirty years older than her.

In Morgan’s words, “He was incredibly charming, handsome, powerfully confident, and incredibly kind.” They fell in love at first sight; it was the first time for her. Crazy about each other, they became inseparable. He didn’t even allow her to go home to get her stuff so she didn’t see her home for months. He got her whatever she wanted during their journey of pure passion and love around the world, making her feel like the most beautiful and extraordinary woman on Earth. 
For the first time, Morgan loved life, enjoyed sex, and felt safe. Robert was leading and controlling every aspect of her life—from what she was wearing to whom she was seeing. He made her stop working and lodged her in one of his mansions in Santa Barbara, with a lot of hired personnel and a black American Express card with unlimited spending power.

She felt like a modern Cinderella, but unfortunately, the prince was married with four kids and was not ready to leave his powerful and rich wife for Morgan. Of course, this was not the story that she got from  him, but she didn’t care. For the first time in her life, she was happy. The problems started when Robert progressively started spending less and less time with her, using as excuses his new movies in production, investors, directors, and business travels.

From being together every hour, he started visiting her every week, but rarely the weekends, and finally, it end up being just a few times per month. He called her and texted her all the time though, keeping his firm control over her, control that she liked so much, and he made up for his absences, showering her with wonderful gifts and constant promises that soon they will be together forever. She didn’t mind too much at first because she was deeply in love and grateful to be happy, but then
she started missing him physically and mentally, and she fell back into her fears and anxiety. She started drinking to numb her pain and boredom. She also got bulimic and gained several pounds. She progressively lost all of what she had gained in confidence and self-esteem, and after five years of waiting and suffering, she forced herself to walk away from that golden cage.

He was not the man that she thought. When she told him that she was going to leave, he got angry and violent, and after a few nightmare days, he let her go but with the condition that she had to leave behind all the diamonds, credit cards, and gifts that he offered her throughout these years, threatening to unleash his lawyers if she resisted. She still loved him immensely, and she couldn’t process that fact that it was finished. It was the end of something that was supposed to be permanent, something that was supposed to last until their last breaths. She agreed on everything and walked out emotionally broke, alcoholic, and desperate. Too distressed, too lost, and too old to go back to fashion, she closed herself off in her old apartment that she bought during her golden days, and she shut down from the world. Fortunately, the little money that she had kept aside from her modeling work was enough to keep her going for a while, but she was only twenty-six, and she
wanted out of this life more than ever.

She let herself go, trying passive suicide. She didn’t eat, she drank tons of vodka, and she camped in her apartment in the same condition as I was when my dad died. Well, I did it for just a few weeks; she did it for months. Her parents, financially supported by her for years, finally decided to do something about it. They broke into her house, cleared the mess, and took her to the ashram. They are wonderful servants of God at the Fellowship, and they embraced her experience without
judgment or lectures. They had also received substantial donations from her in the past, and they certainly wanted to give back to her what was in their power to give. It worked once again; she came back to life but broken in her faith in life and mostly in men. She then started a relationship with Aiyana, a beautiful Native American woman ten years older than her. It was not the first time that Morgan slept with a woman, but this time, it was much more than physical attraction.

Aiyana took power over her and substituted some of what she missed so much in Robert. It didn’t last long, but it helped Morgan regain some respect and trust in herself. Aiyana was furiously in love in her and brutally jealous and possessive and tried to control Morgan’s every movement and thought. Morgan liked the leadership, but she wasn’t in love and broke Aiyana’s heart, leaving her after less than a year. She was twenty-seven years old, single, beautiful, and constantly in search of someone capable to lead her when she met Juan, the man that would marry her after just one year. As a forty-year-old fashion photographer, Juan was used to dealing with emotionally unstable models. He was also sick and tired of unfulfilling short relationship experiences.

When he met Morgan, he immediately recognized her beauty and power, but he also knew what a tough challenge she presented. Morgan was as unstable as a ten-year-old, constantly depressed, and full of fears and anxiety. But he knew that she was the one, and he pursued her until she agreed to become his wife.

Juan is a good guy but financially unstable, making good money for a few months of the year and little or nothing during the rest of the time. He made enough for his survival but certainly not enough to start a family. Morgan’s money was getting to an end as well, so when they got married, they decided to join their efforts to build financial stability, with both seeking other income. Her periods of anorexia, combined with her abuse of alcohol and drugs and her constant depression, affected her marketable beauty, and despite their attempts to revive her modeling career, it only worked a few times and didn’t solve the issue. She tried a couple of nine-to-five jobs, but she failed after just a few hours because she didn’t have the required stamina, discipline, and confidence to deal with others. Juan did better, starting an online service for photographers. His years of experience made this useful to many, and he made enough extra income to get them through the difficult months.

When they found out that she was pregnant, at first, they freaked out but then decided to use this to transform their lives. They are both young enough to build something solid for their future and for their children. The first step was to fix Morgan if possible. Her depression was a constant drawback in every new idea for a joint venture. They started searching for solutions, but every therapy that made some sense was out of their budget. After several frustrating weeks, they got an e-mail forwarded by a friend that was one of Luca’s clients. It was the message sent before every diploma course to selected applicants for free sessions in exchange for working with the students. Doubtful but hopeful, they applied, and here she is, transformed after the intense emotional journey of the anamnesis. She looks tired but relieved, like someone that had to climb a mountain and is rewarded by a view from above the treetops.

…….

The debriefing that comes after every teaching session was straightforward. Morgan has suffered from the Bosurgi Syndrome all her life, and that is the target. Her unresolved instinct of codependency made her insecure, weak, fearful, anxious, and always in search of external leadership and structure. This allowed good and bad leaders to dominate her mind, and it caused her to take tons of substances to numb her survival system in a constant flight-or-fight mode. We have all been there, so we followed her path very easily. Now I get why Luca only wants survivors as students. Carla came up with an interesting question: “Why did she feel so happy when Luca suggested that she could consider becoming a healer herself?” Luca said:

“Carla, to answer the first question: Morgan didn’t have a real identity throughout her entire life. She identified herself with her beauty, her modeling success, with the fact that Robert chose her as his woman, and so on, but all this faded away, and today she finds herself without a real identity, and this hurts. I’m sure that she loves the idea of helping humanity.

That’s probably the karmic reason why she went through such tough times. But the real
reason for her joy was her opportunity to acquire a new long-term identity—the one of being
a healer. During our work in the next weeks, I’ll help her identify her true identity with her
real self, her spirit. This will finally provide her with a real identity, which ironically was
always hers; she just didn’t realize it because of her unresolved codependency. After she
empowers herself in her spirit, if she would like to help by becoming a healer, it will by
choice and not the result of her need for an identity.

“We all have the most powerful identity within us. It will never fade away, and it is far more
powerful than beauty, power, success or any skill. But for lack of awareness, many of us
search outside of ourselves for what is already ours. We waste an enormous amount of time
and resources to create substitute identities with things that don’t last.

“Morgan may become a healer in the future. But this is not the path for everybody. With
practice, you will be able to recognize the personal powers of your clients and disclose it to
them. But never tell your clients a lie. We are teachers trusted by the people that decide to
work with us. We must always tell the truth. Never say something that is therapeutically
useful but does not reflect reality. This is unnecessary, sets false hopes and beliefs, and will
harm your integrity.

“However, you can positively affirm that all your clients are old spirits, since most people
around us have already journeyed extensively in their spiritual life. Primitive souls do not
seek enlightenment and are pleased with their superficiality and shallowness. They don’t
come to us for help. Therefore, you can truthfully communicate this to your clients, giving
them the awareness of the amazing identity that they hold in themselves as spirits. You will
help them during the process to download this identity in their body and mind—freeing them
from the need for fake identities.”

Julie has lifted her hand like in school and asks Luca for his opinion as to why Morgan stayed
with Robert for so many years. Was it the fear of losing her spending power and financial stability or fear of remaining alone without Robert’s leadership to fulfill her codependency? She could understand one year, but five years is a long time. Luca responded:

“Morgan does not seem very attracted to money or luxury items. Her parents’ education did
not make her particularly aware about status or brands. She received plenty of free stuff,
including high-fashion clothes and shoes, as well as money, during her modeling career, so I
don’t think that money was the issue. Yes, her codependency gave Robert the power to
dominate her, but let’s keep the big picture here.

“We have another element that should not be neglected—she was in love. She made it clear
that when she met Robert, she trusted him. She enjoyed sex for the first time, and she felt
safe with him in the lead. These are elements that typically initiate a procreation
programming in most women, codependent or not.

“Let’s follow nature: sex has been installed in humans for procreation. We may not procreate
most of the time, but procreation is the natural purpose of sex. According to the laws of
natural selection, a man that is a confident leader is safe and, therefore, a ‘good seed for
procreation,’ and women find him sexy. Sexual attraction and trust allows sexual enjoyment
for a woman, and most of the time, this starts a programming of procreation that is typically
called ‘in love.’ Morgan got trapped in an unconscious procreation program in standby that
was reinforced every time Robert went to see her. This, combined with her codependency,
kept Morgan hooked to Robert for all those years. She walked away when she convinced
herself that she would never have children with him.

“This is one of the fundamental differences in men and women. Men fall in love to establish
a family, and women fall in love to procreate. Of course, there are many women that are in
love with their man and do not want to have children and vice versa, but this is one of the
typical outcomes of unresolved co-dependencies and do not reflect the purposes of love and
sex as established by nature.”